Planning

I am thinking about my syllabi for next semester. I have two sections of Introduction to Literature and one of Composition and Research. Both reading lists are basically set (especially the Intro to Lit), but until I actually send in the book order there is always a wonderful feeling of excitement, of promise, of potential knowing that I could teach ANYTHING within the parameters of the course (which, in the case of Intro to Lit, is almost literally anything). It's always a little sad once a course gets set in stone, even when I like the reading list and am looking forward to teaching it, because that potential disappears until the next semester.


This is an issue that I have been thinking about a lot lately as far as my own life goes. I am 31 now, and the many potential lives that were available to live when I graduated college at 22 are quickly dwindling. I graduate with my Ph.D. in a little more than a week and have my first full-time teaching job set up, so my (first?) career is moving full steam ahead. I am really excited to finally be a professional scholar rather than a student, but at the same time it is terribly scary that a large part of my identity is set, and that if for some reason it does not go well I will be stuck. Getting old is a constantly perplexing process even when it is enjoyable.